am i a cassanova?? or a mere failure??

i hardly have the habit of writing a blog..but now i have started to feel that i have so many memories to cherish and share with others...

To begin with, let me put 17 years of my life in a few words coz the rest of the space will be filled with numerous experiences of mine in just a few years of my college life and my stay at bangalore...my childhood went pretty normally..i am a very much pampered kid...very arrogant and i love doing what i want to..in the early days of my childhood, i was in a co-educational school and mixed pretty well my classmates irrespective of the fact that it was a boy or a girl...i was the "chocolate boy"....son of a VIP (my dad works for INDIAN FOREST SERVICE and his posting was in district headquarters) and used to garner extra attention and care from all my teachers...i used to feel like the "kinng" of the class...i used to loooove the attention from all the girls in our class...some factors like me being the single guy among all girls whenever there was a birthday party of a girl used to make me proud...i was not mature enough to think about girls seriously but used to be happy with the fact that girls liked me...i was one of the 2 guys who always used to play girly games with the entire group of girls in break time and the guys could not stop themselves from being jealous :)

The days passed by and it was time to move into the big city "HYDERABAD"...i was in 8th and joined an all boys high school... :( even now, i feel sad when i think about how i missed out all d fun dats possible in a co-educational school..days passed by and after finishing my 10th i had to get very much focussed in studies...i turned into a geek...a typical geek without any exaggeration..Now, i laugh and make a mockery of all the pics dat were taken a few years back and remind me of siddharth - the geek..the bookworm..the loser...i m pretty sure that had i been d same way now, i would surely have developed an inferiority complex by now and would not be confident enough to carry myself...


These 2 years passed like hell in RAMAIAH [all the guys down south must be well aware of it] and after that i entered into a new phase of my life...I secured a seat in the prestigious BITS,Pilani-GOA CAMPUS...i dint know that there were many things dat i was goin to experience in a brief period of engineering... :)


It took some time for me to make good friends...i still had the signs of a geek within me for the first few days...However, with time, i slowly started changing myself...i felt a sense of growing confidence and improvement in my personality...yet, i remained a kid at heart who used to get excited with very small things....



Let me go back to d very 1st day of college....It was d introductory class and i got to sit next to AAAA and that brought a blushing smile onto my face which i managed to hide...i felt like a free bird...it was a wierd sensation...after about 5 years, i was sitting next to a girl and to add to it, she seemed to be a very confident and outgoing girl...i tried my best at starting up a formal conversation with her...after that, i once again felt like d "kinng"....d day passed by smoothly and it was around 5 in d evening...to my luck, i got a chance to talk to her and accompanied her to the mess...In the process, i got to make friends with BBBB.....she also seemed very confident and presently is among d few girls who r known for their intelligence and attitude......



The days passed by....Luckily{for me :)} i was in d same class as AAAA and BBBB....our frequent interactions led to various gossips and the time had come when my friends started pulling my leg...Given d fact dat i was a bit reserved, i dont think its necessary for me to describe the extent to which i was blushing at d slightest context... :) I further got into dance big time...The very first time i danced at BITS, i was paired opposite BBBB and this led to further spreading of unnecessary rumours...and since these were the initial days of the college, such things were taking place at a rapid rate...



However, the days passed by and i got a bit distant from BBBB after having made new friends...every1 was into different friend circles and gangs by now...AAAA was among d "few" friends i had...den came d 1st ever DJ night in our campus..this was responsible for getting AAAA and me further close because i was giving her company for over an hour as she felt left out and uncomfortable...i slowly started showing signs of liking AAAA...The DIWALI vacations made me realise that i missed her to some extent...Howecer, after d holidays the closeness to each other vanished to some extent...at d same time, i made more frnds and started showing some sort of inclination towards CCCC...maybe this was one of the reasons why i lost d connection with her....the sem ended and after d vacations, i started going out with CCCC when d new semester began...i cherish some real gud moments with her...we went on innumerable dinners....long walks...various outings...i used to give her priority over others...it was all cool and our relationship seemed to be very steady....we were in touch till d end of the semester...However, in the holidays, i realised that it wasnt really pure affection or love towards her...i started to feel that i was goin out with her just for d sake of it....the thoughts of me doing TIME PASS with her slowly started creeping into my head....i did not wish to continue our affair with such thoughts in my head...i wanted to break the relation and stay friends...i dint have a proper reason to do so...but thought it was best to stay friends...this made her really upset n feel cheated...i tried my best to stay in touch with her,..but she ignored me...some further instances only added to the bitterness which she had in her mind...As of now, she hates me the most...and i know dat...i m pretty sure that she is not gonna come across this blog anytime...but, i sincerely accept that it was my mistake and i must have not ended d relation in such a bitter manner....i m sorry CCCC....